Explore How We Can Work Together

Episode #18 Preserving Relationships When You’re Both Triggered

April 14, 2020

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Everywhere we turn there is a new trigger with the Coronavirus Pandemic.  Being sheltered in place together for months on end, while being triggered is no fun.  It is hard enough dealing with your own emotional triggers. The dynamic of multiple people and their triggers can result in fireworks and permanent relationship casualties.

It doesn’t have to be that way.  Your relationship can not only survive, it can thrive.  Now is the time to learn some new skills, show each other empathy and advocate for yourself and your relationship.  You guys are worth the effort!

In this episode, I talk about:

  • The three steps to preserve a relationship:
  • Identify your triggers and the other person(s) involved
  • How to work things out together
  • When you need to get outside help.
  • I share my personal experiences with my husband and grocery shopping, homeschooling my daughter, and when a whole team was triggered in the workplace.

[04:18] Identifying Triggers: Triggers are something that happen when we have a negative thought that creates emotional pain. What are some ways triggers can manifest?

[08:47] Recognizing and Triage: When emotions get high during a triggering moment, take a step back to see if the other person is also triggered.  Here's how to calm it down quickly.

[13:51] Working It Out Together: Easing the tension can start with just one person role modeling the work. Learn what that looks like, what to pay attention to, and what not to get distracted by.

[31:33] Recognizing When You Need To Get Outside Help: Bringing in a neutral third party can help move things forward in a safer space. Use these prompts to help identify the right type of outside help and what role they need to play in the resolution.

Dual Triggering Examples and the Steps Taken to Preserve the Relationship

[36:10] Example 1 - Fear of the Virus & Grocery Shopping
My Trigger: Fear From The Virus--->Extra Cleaning Precautions
My Husband’s Trigger: Fear Of Food Spoiling From Extra Cleaning Precautions

[41:42] Example 2 - Homeschooling and Working from Home
I know I wasn't the only one taking on the role of homeschool teacher when the pandemic started. When my daughter and I felt triggered, emotions started to get the best of us. Learn what happened next.

[49:24] Example 3 - Triggered Work Teams
Having a whole bunch of people all together in the same space magnifies each person's triggers. Experiencing dynamic group triggering in the workplace was challenging to navigate, here's how I used the process.

Previous podcast episodes referenced in this podcast
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