You are listening to My Freedom Grove podcast with Gretchen Hernandez, episode 148.

Welcome to My Freedom Grove Podcast, your calm space for practical help to get your dream business up and running while being authentically you and taking care of your mental health. I'm your host, Gretchen Hernandez. I'm so glad you're here!

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Hi My Strong Friends.  I hope you are staying safe and warm during the winter storms.  Here along the California coast we are getting hit pretty hard.  The weather forecasters call it a Bomb Cyclone and Atmospheric River.  Basically, it’s a ton of rain, winds from 35-70mph, lost power, falling trees and flooding.

You’ll notice this podcast episode is late.  My house has been out of power for 5 days now.  And my daughter and I both have the flu.  Actually, she just tested positive for Covid.  I still need to test myself.

We were very fortunate to be given shelter at The Elk Cove Inn and Spa.  My husband is the Inn Keeper here.  The owners, Victor and Melissa, are very caring and generous. 

While staying at the Inn, my creativity is flowing to put together the agenda for our first retreat.  I am tentatively deciding it will happen in April.  I still have to work out all of the logistics.  If you haven’t subscribed to this podcast yet, you’ll want to do that so you can stay in the loop for the Retreat updates.

In the last episode I mentioned workshops would be offered during the week of January 9th.  Due to the continuing storms, those workshops are postponed.  Instead, I have a special offer at the end of this episode.

So let’s get to today’s episode.

After working closely with over 50 entrepreneurs, the very first step they all want is to feel Confident.  Specifically, they want to feel confident in the service they provide.  I work primarily with coaches, healers and educators.  Coaches want to feel confident in their coaching abilities. Healers want to feel confident in their healing abilities.  And educators want to feel confident in their teaching abilities.

Confidence as an entrepreneur is typically their 3rd or 4th step.

CONFIDENCE IS A FEELING

When we take a look at the Mindset Model, Confidence comes in at the feeling line.  For those of you still getting used to the Mindset Model, let me go over it real quick.

It’s made up of 5 components:

CIRCUMSTANCE

THOUGHT

FEELING

ACTION

RESULT

A neutral circumstance exists.  It’s usually a noun and a verb.  It’s something anyone would be able to observe.

Our brains quickly pull a thought or belief out of our mindset to interpret the circumstance.  Our brain creates meaning.

Those thoughts create our feelings.

Our feelings generate our actions, reactions or inactions.

Those actions create our results.

Our results provide evidence that our thoughts or beliefs are true.

To have a feeling of Confidence, there needs to be a thought or a belief that generates Confidence.

When there are thoughts such as:

I’m new at this

I don’t have enough experience

I need to get confidence first

The feeling generated is NOT confidence.

Rather the feelings may be:

Insecure

Doubtful

Scared

Worried

What actions happen from the feelings of insecure, doubtful, scared or worried?

Not a whole lot.

All of those tend to put you in freeze mode.

Sometimes you may use Will Power to make yourself do the actions while feeling scared.  I’ve done that plenty of times.  I remember my teeth chattering as I was coaching an Executive Team the first time.

What results do you get when you’re in freeze mode?

None, right?  Getting no results provides evidence that proves you are new and don’t have enough experience.

What results do you get when you use Will Power?

You get some results.  You did the thing.  But you may experience self criticism for your teeth chattering the whole time which provides evidence that proves the thought “I need to be confident first”.

I want to share 3 ways you can help yourself develop real confidence quicker.

1. Use Courage as your bridge emotion.
2. Have “Fix It” Plans ready

3. Use Challenges to focus on one skill at a time

COURAGE AS A BRIDGE EMOTION

Have you ever considered yourself an Advocate?  Someone that would stand up for somebody else?

I like to think back to middle school.  For some reason the term “body guard” was always thrown around.  Why we all thought people needed body guards I don’t really know.  I guess because there are always bullies.  It’s nice to have somebody willing to step up to the plate to ensure you don’t get hurt.

When I was in middle school, I was often the one to say I would be somebody’s body guard.  It wasn’t because I was a good fighter.  I’ve never been one to promote violence.  Instead, I was someone that had courage.  I also developed other skill sets such as conflict resolution.  My mind and heart were stronger than any muscles.

I always cared for the people.

Other people would feel fear.  I’d feel courage.

I’d weigh the actual risks to me.  I’d already come up with “fix it” plans if something went wrong.

The thing was, every bully I’ve encountered backs down as soon as 1 person displays courage.

Bullies are only bullies if someone is scared.  It’s like 2 people on stepping stones facing each other.  The bully says something, the other person is scared and takes a step back.  The bully takes a step forward.  So, the bully repeats.  The other person keeps taking steps back.

Yet, when someone with courage steps in, it’s a wall.  The bully does not have a step that they can take to move forward. It’s a standstill.  It requires a lot more effort to move a wall.  The bully gives up.

It takes practice to become your own bodyguard.  That usually comes after you have resolved a lot of the fear.

So, here’s the trick to help you in the early days…Use the COURAGE OF AN ADVOCATE.

Stop thinking about how you will look in your profession.

Instead, focus on your clients.  Are you willing to have the Courage of a Bodyguard for THEM?

Now, obviously, you are not a bodyguard.  However, you are developing your client’s mind, body and soul to be healthy.  You are developing their skills to be sustainable and vibrant in this world.

You are an ADVOCATE for their wellbeing.

Can you tap into the COURAGE OF AN ADVOCATE for them?

You know, as I sit here in this California Storm, I see a lot of people being courageous to help others.  They are not worried about their appearances, how perfect they do things, or if everything looks professional.  They are getting in and helping people when they need it the most.

The benefit of using COURAGE as a bridge emotion, is that you will take natural action from that feeling.  Those actions will give result that provide evidence that your courageous thoughts/beliefs are true.  And evidence that creates new thoughts/beliefs that generate confidence.

HAVE “FIX IT” PLANS READY

If you’re always going to be OK, there’s nothing to fear.  Sure, it’s possible that the first outcome of your actions won’t work in your favor.  However, if you already anticipate it, you can create “Fix It” plans to flip it back in your favor quickly.

As yourself, what is the worst that can happen?

For many new coaches, healers and educators, the worst that can happen is a negative comment or review.

Ok, so what would be your “Fix It” plan?

You can sit around and not do anything so you can avoid getting the negative comment or review.  Or, you could go about your business, possibly get a negative comment or review, and fix it right on the spot.

Most of the time, if people are dissatisfied, they won’t say anything.  They just cut their losses and move on.

Others may say something to 1 or 2 people.  However, there are millions of potential clients in the world.  So what if those 1 or 2 people are not going to be them?  6 months from now you are going to forget those 2 people because you’ll already have a line of 20 new people.

What about negative comments left online?

Did you know you can push the delete key?  It’s true.  It’s really easy too.  On any page owned by you, you have full control to delete anything.  You can also Hide comments.  That way nobody sees the comments except you and the person that left it.  They will not get an alert that you hid it.

If you have someone that is very adamant about leaving comments, you can block them.

You have many ways of protecting yourself online.

One thing I want to point out, is that negative comments are not necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes they are sharing something very valuable with you to HELP you.  There may be a part of your process that needs to get adjusted.  Maybe there was a tech glitch or a design element that didn’t work.  This is a great opportunity for you to show how much you want to make your product/service a great experience.  You can thank them for their input and share your plans for how you will fix it to give an even better experience.

What if the negative thing is financial?  What if it is a refund, or worse yet, what if someone sues you?

Again, have a “Fix It” plan ready for all of it. 

Have a refund process.  Understand the fees associated.  Create your policies around it.  You may also want to consider a Holding Fund to have Refund money available.

Being set up as an LLC is one layer of protection from lawsuits.  You may even look into business insurance.  Legal Zoom has a few options for insurance and legal services for a low monthly rate.

When you’re always going to be OK, there is nothing to fear.  In fact, you can be confident, because you know no matter what, you will be OK.

USE CHALLENGES TO FOCUS ON ONE SKILL AT A TIME

A challenge is a set amount of time that is dedicated to 1 focus skill or deliverable.  For this podcast episode, we’re going to focus on a skill.
When you say you want to be Confident as a Coach, Healer or Educator, which skills are included?

In podcast episode #85 Time to Competency in Your Business Role, I mentioned a Proficiency Matrix.  It lists each skill separately.  Then you rate your capability on each one.  The scale is 1-3.  1=Learned, 2=Applied, 3=Mastered.

Let’s say there were 10 skills you needed to be fully competent in your role.  What level would you need for each of them to feel Confident?

Obviously, if you had 3s in all 10 skills you’d feel confident, right?

What if you had all 2s?  That means that you had done all of the skills.

What if it was a mixture?  What if 4 skills you were a master, 3 you had applied and 3 you had learned?  You could still help people with that, right?

With an Official Challenge, you pick a skill and focus on it for a set amount of time.  It’s a hyper focused amount of time with repetitions happening immediately.

Let’s pick an easy example.  Drinking 64oz of water a day.  If this is not one of your regular habits, but you know it is one you want to do, you may choose to give yourself a 7 day water challenge.

You’d come up with a way to track your activity.  You might even set reminders on your calendar.  You may even get an accountability buddy to do it with you.  For 7 days.

Since you are putting so much focus on it, you will experiment with it more.

You’ll find your unique solution that makes drinking 64oz of water a day easy.

It also highlights obstacles quickly.  Such as bathroom breaks.  You’ll have to work on solutions for bathroom breaks throughout your day or your commute.

But after the 7 days, you’ll have all of the answers.  

When you do this with your Proficiency Matrix, you can improve your skills quickly.

You look at how many skills are involved in your profession.  List them out.

Evaluate your level for each one.

Are you at 0?  It’s a skill you need to learn

Are you at a 1?  It’s a skill you learned, but didn’t apply yet

Are you at a 2?  You applied it.  You’ve done it a few times, but you’re not a master yet.
Are you a 3?  You mastered it.  In fact,  you can probably teach it to others or coach people on it.

Once you have this baseline of your skills, what would be your target for feeling Confident?

Which skills?  What level do you want to get to? 

Remember, some skills are used more frequently than others.  Not all skills will have the same priority.

Now that you know which skills, how can you create a challenge to improve those skills?

Imagine you have 3 skills you want to improve.

If you create a 7 day challenge for each of those skills, you would be done in 21 days.

What if, after you did the Proficiency Matrix, you realized you only had 1 skill to improve in order to feel confident?

What?

You could feel confident in 7 days?

Wow!

THE CONNECTION FACTOR SKILL

One of the essential skills to master is something I call The Connection Factor. 

When you are able to honestly, deeply connect with someone about an unspoken pain, it’s healing magic.

How many people do you see struggling daily that you know you can help?

But, do you know how to start the conversation with them?

You and I both know, if we are direct about it, we’ll scare them off.  Their defense mechanisms will kick in, they shut down or get defensive.  And, we’ll come off really weird, awkward or offensive. 

As entrepreneurs, not only do our hearts yearn to help people, we need to make an income.  We are fortunate that we get to do both.

But, if we don’t know how to connect with people, especially strangers, we won’t be able to help anyone.

The Connection Factor technique provides a unique structure that creates instant trust and safety.  People will open up to you within a few minutes.  In fact, with this structured approach, they’ll be asking how to work with you.

With the Connection Factor Skill you’ll be able to create Consultations and Get Fully Booked.

The Connection Factor uses your own stories.  You don’t have to follow any premade scripts.  It’s natural and authentic.

In The Connection Factor course, I teach you exactly how it works, plus I give you a 30 day challenge.

This is a learnable skill.  This is one of those “teach a person to fish” skills.  With The Connection Factor, you will always be able to create clients wherever you go within minutes.

The Connection Factor also prepares you to excel in online marketing.  Once you’ve mastered The Connection Factor in person, you’ll know your exact messaging that works every time to reach the people that need you the most.

January is a popular month for Challenges.

I want to help you Kick Start 2023 and build up your confidence.

I’m offering a special price of only $49 for The Connection Factor course.  This course is usually $249 for lifetime access.  For January, you can use the special coupon code of “KICKSTART2023”.  That’s a savings of $200.

You get The Connection Factor Course and 30 day challenge for only $49.

To learn more, go to my website at www.myfreedomgrove.com/theconnectionfactor

You’ll also see a banner at the top of the Home Page of my website.

If you are a member of the Unshakable Business Co-Lab you already have access to this course. 

What do you think your Confidence level would be once you can create 30 consults in a month?

I can’t wait to see the smile on your face when you master this technique.

Alright my friend.  Stay safe and warm out there.  I hope you have a great week.  I’ll talk with you soon.

Bye Bye.


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Thank you for listening to My Freedom Grove Podcast. When you are ready to make your dream business a reality and take care of your mental health, I invite you to join the Unshakable Business Co-Lab. This is the mastermind membership you've been waiting for. There's no limits on your imagination, nor your timeline. We're with you every step of the way. To learn more, please visit www.myfreedomgrove.com/join. I'll see you there!